Wednesday, December 31, 2014

About Failure When You're Trying To Lose Weight


I've been doing the 21 day fix program from BeachBody (I'm sure you've seen the ads...). I've been doing really well at it! I have spent my whole days anticipating the nightly workouts, wondering how I'll respond to them. I have cut my eating a lot, fitting my meals into the little containers that come with the workout. I gulp down my Shakeology for breakfast, and it really isn't bad (though the chocolate is a little bitter). I don't really have time for the fancy recipes that come with it. I am focused on checking these things off my to do list, and changing my lifestyle.

I paid a ton of money for the program, because I knew if I spent it, I would see it through. It's as simple as that. That motivates me: not wasting money. The end. I will see it through because I paid for it!

Just under 2 weeks into the program, I popped my lateral meniscus out. I don't even know how you can pop it out? I had to go to the chiropractor 3 times in a week for him to put it back? I didn't injure myself working out, I was dancing with babies. The irony.

The first night of working out with an injured knee wasn't bad. It was a little tender but I was fine. My husband asked me to not go hardcore for fear of further injury (we didn't know what I had done at this point, this workout was the same night as the pop-out). He was right, I modified some moves and finished.

The next day I couldn't walk. I couldn't put weight on my knee. I couldn't straighten it or bend it or twist it. This is when I go to the chiro and he provides immediate relief (though it still was sore each day for 2 weeks + sliding/twisting my knee was not do-able).

I spend a lot of money for this program and I am literally not able to do more than half the workouts. I am not able to even start the cardio workouts with out getting upset because I can't do the first few moves, and I'm feeling like a fraud for using my own modifications.

I get past it and complete each of them anyway. I do. Yep. I even throw in some extra ab fix workout d.v.d.'s because I can't do the cardio and I don't feel like I'm pushing myself. But I'm feeling motivated, working real smart on these workouts, but not real hard!

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Here's where the failure comes in. I gained a pound back. How? Even when I'm following the meal plan, and doing 2 workouts a night. It's not muscle gain, don't even go there. Cardio plays a huge role in weight loss for me, and it takes time. Without the cardio, it's going to be very hard for me to lose that weight.

Then, one night, I gave up. I quit. I thought that I was ready to do the cardio again, and I couldn't. I turned everything off and took a really long shower. Really long. I told myself that this isn't me. When things get tough, I work through it. I thrive when others can't complete their tasks, I step in and take charge. It's damage control, it's what I'm good at. SO WHY?

I cried, I told myself to go to bed. Then I decided that I'm not a quitter. I popped in a yoga fix d.v.d., and finished then popped in the ab fix and finished that. I had been doing upper body most nights because I see results fast, and frankly, I'm not trying to fly anywhere.

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Skip forward the 2+ weeks of healing and here I am. I went for a run. It was heaven! It hurt but I pushed myself and kept going. I was relieved to be able to have the physical outlet.  I only slowed down and headed home when I felt my knee begin to get sore.

My point is, losing weight is hard. I feel like a failure most nights. It takes time, and it is not going to be easy or fast. There is no magic pill, no magic shake, no quick anything that really helps you. It's about perseverance, changing the way you look at weight loss, motivations, and self image. We all have these bodies that we are in charge of, we are responsible for what's going in them, we are responsible for how much physical activity we get; we HAVE to take care of it, MIND INCLUDED.

It takes 30 minutes, 30 MINUTES each day (heck, even less sometimes; start with 5 minutes) to shape your mind and body. That's it, just one day at a time, 30 minutes of your day. That's all.

Do it. Don't give up.

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